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“Honey, are you alright?” I can feel my wife rubbing my back, reassuringly, but I shake her off. I don’t want to be touched right now.Why am I still having this dream? That all happened months ago. Why can’t I be stronger?Wiping my mouth, I sit up, and suck in a deep breath.“Honey. . .?”“I’m fine,” I snarl at her. Can’t she see that? I’m no longer puking, so obviously I’m fine. I see the hurt look in her eyes and immediately regret my tone. “I’m sorry, babe. I guess I just ate something bad on the plane.” Kally is still crying in the back, and I turn around to her, placing my hand on her leg. “Daddy’s just a little sick, darling. I’ll be better soon.” I tell her. I just have to get stronger, I tell myself.“Do we need to get you something for your stomach?” Karrista asks. My first thought is to snap at her again. Why can’t she just leave me alone? But I shake it off, and get my emotions under control. “No,” I tell her, keeping my voice calm. “I think I got it all out.”We get back on. " She replied, her grin even bigger. I laughed."OK, back to the rules. 1. Tonight is a special case. Number two: Speak freely, but most importantly speak honestly. Complete honesty, I will do the same. If there is something you don't wish to discuss, you can state that, but I don't expect to use that clause myself and I would hope you would do the same. Tonight I will be a complete open book. I think we need to clear the air about a few things." She sighed, but nodded again. I raised an eyebrow, I wanted more than a nod. She relented, "Yeah, I agree. It's going to be embarrassing, I think. But I'll do it." Fair enough. For now those are the only rules. Others may come into play, but that's it for this portion of the evening." I wanted us to have the chance to discuss things as equals, or some semblance of normality, before we went down the rabbit hole, if we got that far. She looked a little confused, but was still smiling. So I decided to start off with the worst part of it."Kay.
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